Oh serial greeters, no more!! Aur nahin bus aur nahin
Let me first prime you a bit from my blog archives:
http://anindecisiveindian.blogspot.com/2022/06/oh-they-kill-with-kindness.html
http://anindecisiveindian.blogspot.com/2020/12/hbd-forsooth.html
You now know what to expect. And I too know exactly what is coming when my
phone starts pinging with a fury that rivals the roar of Armageddon. I was
already between a rock and a hard place when the blitz of World Coconut Day
greetings seamlessly transitioned to a deluge of Teachers’ Day wishes. Oh, that
blessed Friday the 6th at precisely 3:01 PM when it all began, and the torment
continued unabated past Saturday the 7th, 5:37 PM. My phone, laptop, and PC
were now gloriously cluttered with no less than 467 digital Lord Ganeshas
in various mudras—each one looking more bemused and anguished than beatific.
A song with beats from the underworld accompanied these blessed visuals, making
the torment complete. Then, as if the gods were testing my resolve, they
slipped in greetings for some strange thing called Hartalika Teej—because
why not?
“Oh, that this too too solid flesh would melt...” cried the bard’s Hamlet in my head as I was besieged by well-rounded semi-literates
wishing me a Happy World Literacy Day, followed by the well-meaning but
misguided who exhorted me not to kick the bucket on World Suicide Prevention
Day. Well, bless their souls. I would have called out the First Aid Day crew
for teaching me how to kill an injured specimen on the spot before the actual killer, the doctor could arrive at the scene, but alas, my fury was directed elsewhere—at the vile
International Chocolate Dayers. The irony! Mocking a diabetic with their beige,
buff, and bister sweets. “What fresh hell is this?”—Shakespeare
did not say it, but I will bet he would
if he were in my shoes.
You would think that was the worst of it. Oh, woe is me. As
Ariel quoth, describing Ferdinand’s jump from the ship in The Tempest “Hell
is empty, and all the devils are here”, a new front opened: Hindi Diwas, where proud
defenders of the language flooded me with sarcastic greetings, challenging my
love for the language, blissfully unaware that their skull jelly and talk tubes
do not differentiate between kachchha (कच्छा: underwear) and kaksha (कक्षा: class). Oh, the joy! But the final nail, the coup
de grâce, came today. Engineers Day. Thousands of them—engineers,
non-engineers, and every pompous soul in between—raining down wishes on me,
while a beleaguered Happy Onam and the tepid International Day of Democracy
drowned in the deluge.
This all happened on WhatsApp—occasionally on email or SMS, because
apparently, no one picks up the phone anymore. Not one single actual
call or, no surprise, a hard-copy card.
Oh, I am indignant like Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet shouting, “...A
plague o’ both your houses!...” and I am murderous, truly murderous.
One more greeting and I might just channel Macbeth and say, “If it were
done when ’tis done, then ’twere well it were done quickly...”
But I gradually made my peace with this new-age asininity. Until they
invent an AI-based Greetings Blocker (feasible, right?), I am turning WhatsApp
off. Those eager to wish me a Happy Eid Milad un-Nabi or those compulsive World
Ozone Day types, you can call me—or forever hold your peace. I have bolted from
the clutches of kindness.
But,
like earlier, and I repeat, I will lurk while I disown all this kindness here
today, I will continue to monitor these perpetrators of decorative clemency:
Banākar faqīroñ kā ham
bhes Ghālib
tamāshā-e-ahl-e-karam dekhte
haiñ
(faqīroñ: dervishes,
vagrants one who lead mystic life, bhes:
disguise, tamāshā-e-ahl-e-karam: spectacle, exhibition of the people of
kindness. I
put on the guise of a vagrant mendicant and witnesses the spectacle of the
conduct of the people of generosity. I do this not because I need of their
generosity but with a view to determining the virtue in the so-called kind
people; after all genuinely-generous people go through their kind deeds
privately without a fanfare.)
…
Well said, Sudhanshu! But you have missed out the deluge of HAPPY BIRTHDAY messages.....one such message begets a hundred others on every Group. Possibly worse are those 'Om Shanti' ones which ring so patently hollow because most of the Group does not even have a nodding acquaintance with the unfortunate chap who had kicked the bucket. And if in between 'congratulations' messages someone happens to insert an Om Shanti one, you should see the total mayhem in the Group!
ReplyDeleteGood Evening, Sir. Hope you and your family are doing well.
DeleteThanks Rakesh Mishra sir
DeleteI too dread all festivals. But I keep myself well prepared. I copy a message like 'Happy Hanuman Jayanti' to my clipboard, and the moment I receive a greeting I shoot back by clicking the 'paste' button. Greeting ka jawab greeting se! This Golabari continues till late night.
ReplyDelete😀 sir
DeleteLooking forward to next Greeting Day when I can call you and wish you.
ReplyDeleteJokes apart, yes. It's turning out to be a menace. Unchecked. No way out as of now.
😂😂😂😂
ReplyDelete😀
ReplyDeleteThe only message I send from my heart to my guru's is on the day of the guru purnima... possibly would never be able to give up on the bad habit till I am literate enough to make use of the electronic media....
ReplyDeleteWorld Ozone Day. Ha, ha! Good one.
ReplyDeleteSir, I think there will come a time when "every day would be a day"or rather a "day named", and that " Day" Would be dreadful; AI may be the Saving Grace, but until then let's hope to have a Good Day! Thank God for "No Nights". 🤣
ReplyDeleteWell said sir
ReplyDeleteI wonder, who generates ideas , creates and rolls out these greetings messages into Whatsapp streams in different time zone across the globe. There would certainly be localised teams specific to regions/countries. How this organisation works , who owns and pays !!
ReplyDeleteHmmm! I am lucky. I do not get such messages. May be I did not join the correct groups or befriended correct people. Anyway, I do not wish to alter my current set up.
ReplyDeleteGood one Sudhanshu. No need to go off Whattsapp, just turn off the notifications and clear the chat.
ReplyDeleteOn Facebook, there are people wishing Happy Birthday, Stay Blessed etc. to some of our friends who have passed away.
Good post...
ReplyDeletebuy my company is currency exchange in south delhi
😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteHilarious to read but so true. I even managed to make a theme for a music group that I'm part of ,on some of the funny Good morning messages , yet no one took a hint of what I wished to convey.