To pee or not to pee? Indian Railways has the answer!

 

Ah, the ever so fragrant journey of train travel in India! It is a unique experience, isn't it? Indian Railways (IR), in their gallant attempt to curb the olfactory assault of train toilets, has employed various methods over the years. bio-tanks, modular toilets, vacuum evacuation, auto-essensers and even bum showers—sorry, health faucets/jet cleaners. When it comes to addressing some of the age-old problems, they have really thrown the kitchen sink at them. In a phased manner, they fitted bio-tanks in all their coaches, putting a stop to dumping all the toilet waste on the track. Never mind that it took the Supreme Court’s gavel to get them moving. IR’s detractors call other measures listed above half-hearted, and even their on-board housekeeping service is inefficient, leaving the toilets stinking to the seventh heaven. It is a veritable odyssey of odors!

But have these efforts made train toilets cleaner and less odorous? Well, according to some of my graceful and more eloquent friends of the opposite sex, not much has changed. They would rather have their wisdom teeth removed than use a train toilet and this means that they are mortally afraid of train travel in India. When they confront me with this issue, they stymie me with a simple question: "Is it rocket science to maintain clean and hygienic toilets on trains? Why don’t you do something about it?"

I used to be lost for words. Being a diehard railway man for life, I would sheepishly roll out excuses, like blaming the hygienic habits of our countrymen or the sheer number of passengers. Of course, in recent years I would conveniently hide behind my retirement as if I would have achieved a miracle if I were in service. Frankly, this problem is in discussion at times among keen railway men and I always thought that the only way to keep the toilets clean was to have one fellow per coach to clean it after every use; do we not see this at airports and in malls where an attentive cleaning guy hands you over a tissue, almost supervising reverently whatever you do in the restroom.

 

Is it not a grave matter that some passengers avoid food and drinks in trains so they would not need to make a trip to the rest room and to Sir Toby Belch ‘belching’ to Malvolio in the bard’s Twelfth Night, “…Dost thou think, IR, because thou art fetid, there shall be no more cakes and ale?”, they would very well say, “Yes, absolutely, unless you are happy with a funky rancid toilette”.

 

We have been told that complex problems have simple solutions but it is time for us to unlearn our toilet science and learn afresh from these worthies of IR that simple problems can well have complex solutions. It turns out that this toilet business is indeed rocket science as this news item would have you believe:

 

https://www.moneycontrol.com/news/technology/indian-railways-plans-to-use-technology-to-solve-one-of-its-biggest-problems-12635381.html

 

So now, the solution is nigh, and it is more high-tech than you might imagine. Move over, human noses, because Indian Railways is embracing IoT-based technology to sniff out foul odors through detectors! This real-time monitoring affords the olfactory data to be transmitted to a central hub, which then analyzes the information and triggers automated responses. Unfortunately, the alert still has to be sent to sanitation crews about foul smells, notifying them that cleaning is required; the noses of passengers or staff themselves shall be made redundant. What a nose-defying era we would find ourselves in!

 

This is the second Eureka moment in the history of toilets, the first being centuries back in a bathtub by Archimedes and now by Indian Railways! Imagine the possibilities: Research, Designs, and Standards Organization (RDSO), which has otherwise not developed a product for a decade, can now get to meaningful work and evolve a Stink Index (SI) like the Ride Index, arguably a blue-sky area where the Japanese and the Germans have not dared to tread. The SI of each toilet can be displayed through the PIS of the train for passengers to flock to the low SI toilets. At the same time, users who cause the SI to jump too high can be fined as unacceptable stink-creating travellers and the habitual Odourizers can even be put on no-fly, I mean, no-loo list.

 

Let us all wait for this technology to be rolled out and meanwhile, revel in this game-changer intervention in Amrit Kaal by Indian Railways. As for me, I wait for the development with bated breath so I can flummox these female naysayers of train toilets with a comprehensive downloadable SI data. To misquote the bard from Hamlet, "To pee or not to pee? that is the question..." and thanks to Indian Railways, we might finally have a clear answer. Oh, what a time to be alive and sniffing gleefully!

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