Justin Trudeau is not a mere joker! He is worse, say Shakespeare and Ghālib

Justin Trudeau is not a mere joker!

He is worse, say Shakespeare and Ghālib

The week-long escapade of Justin Trudeau, the Canadian Prime Minister, and his family in India in 2018 was nothing short of a calamitous comedy. The Washington Post described it aptly saying that it was like he took the title of "world's favorite liberal mascot" a tad too seriously, thinking he could charm India with his movie-star good looks and overdone Indian traditional dresses and a barrage of namastes (Indian greeting with folded hands). In a bid to outdo himself, Trudeau has earlier dabbled in linguistic acrobatics, replacing "mankind" with "peoplekind" in his political lexicon. But alas, this linguistic gymnastics routine fell flat in the face of India's discerning masses. Trudeau's attempt to immerse himself in Indian culture came off as a bizarre, choreographed tamasha (spectacle) that was faker than a Bollywood plot twist. The elaborate Indian attire and temple visits were received with eye-rolls, as even the locals found his antics "too Indian for an Indian." In the end, Trudeau's India adventure was like a cringe-worthy sitcom episode, with him as the star, making a fool of himself and managing to insult everyone but the most clueless onlookers with his flashy, condescending attire. It was a tragicomedy of errors that left us convinced that diplomacy and fashion sense could actually coexist in spectacular disharmony provided the protagonist were a joker.

 

In the past month, Trudeau has revealed himself to be more than just a mere joker; he's a cunning and perilous trickster. He made a reckless statement in the Canadian parliament, suggesting "credible allegations" of Indian involvement in the killing of Hardeep Singh Nijjar, a Canadian Sikh labeled as a terrorist by India. This incident has pushed India and Canada to the brink of a contentious standoff, resulting in an unsightly dispute.

 

In the grand tradition of discussing significant events, uncle Ghālib and great-uncle Shakespeare found themselves engaged in an eloquent exchange of ideas in a celestial binge of the two with spirited accompaniment. Their conversation, as they nursed their bara (large) pegs, with its intellectual depth and vibrant discourse, was obviously a testament to their erudition. However, on this particular occasion, their harmonious accord was evident, devoid of any ostentatious intellectual one-upmanship. With unwavering literary finesse, they jointly pronounced their censure of Trudeau, and I take great pride in presenting their dialogue precisely as it unfolded:

 

Shakespeare: Hey my friend Gaulib, I hope to have an objective tête-à-tête today about this buffoon Justin Trudeau from the land of the maple leaf? He claims to be of French and Scottish descent, but I wonder if he's a character from one of my plays. As for his French ancestry, do recall Canterbury in Henry V convincing the king on his claim to France, “…There is no bar To make against your Highness' claim to France…”, “…Stand for your own, unwind your bloody flag, Look back into your mighty ancestors…” and like one of the ancestors, “…Forage in blood of French nobility. O noble English, that could entertain With half their forces the full pride of France And let another half stand laughing by…”. That is the way to deal with this pipsqueak.

 

Ghālib: Aadaab, Billee Barad Aadaab (Greetings Billy the bard), pray do not belittle the French, they are India’s friends. Yes, this Taroodo ahmaq (Trudeau idiot) is not merely a dunce, he is a masKHaraa (clown) with a cockeyed sense of self-preservation. I must hypercorrect my own sher (couplet) to describe his temerity to make a Bollywood type exposition of himself and his family in our country:

 

Vo aa.e ghar meñ hamāre ḳhudā kī qudrat hai

kabhī ham ye ghar kabhī is joker ko dekhte haiñ

(qudrat: nature, divine power. It is God’s doing that he is in our home, we look at our house and this clown with surprise)

 

Our vaziir-e-aa'zam Modi ji (Prime Minister Mr. Modi) addressed him with a distinct sense of composure, resolutely confronting him regarding his misguided support for individuals associated with terrorism under the pretext of freedom of speech and what a sorry figure he was reduced to:

 

Mat pūchh ki kyā haal hai merā tire pīchhe

tū dekh ki kyā rañg hai terā mire aage

(Do not ask me how I fare in your absence because of your nefarious doings but look at your own sickly colours)

 

He was wounded by the humiliation but he deserved it, did he not?

 

Nikalnā ḳhuld se aadam kā sunte aa.e haiñ lekin

bahut be-ābrū ho kar Hindustaa.n se ye nikle

(ḳhuld: paradise, aadam: Adam. We know of Adam’s ignominy in his exile from Eden but this person brought extreme humiliation upon himself on his way out of India)

 

But to keep his vote bank of separatist radicals, he retreats and once back in Canada, blatantly levels a multitude of baseless accusations against India:

 

Huā jo Kanaidā kā musāhib phire hai itrātā

vagarna shahr meñ Taroodo kī aabrū kyā hai

(Kanaidā: Canada, musāhib: associate, aabrū: dignity, repute. The guy moves with a swagger just because he became Canada’s PM otherwise he is devoid of any dignity)

 

Shakespeare: OK, my dervish buddy, It does appear he is trying to consolidate his vote bank with these tactics. As I said through Jaques in As You Like It, “All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players…And one man in his time plays many parts.”, and this charlatan is playing many parts merely to save his chair. Well, not his French then his Scottish roots! See, he was caught wearing colourful socks with pictures of superheroes during a formal meeting and I am sure even your most flamboyant Bollywood characters cannot compete with such fashion statements! One wonders if he is practicing for a new role in a Scottish highland drama. I half expect him to appear at the next gathering in a kilt and bagpipes! Or, is he is trying to channel his inner Macbeth while juggling superhero socks and political acrobatics? For this Canadian, to be or not to be a Canadian supremo with a penchant for Scottish flair – that is the question!

 

On a serious note, this treachery? As Lear in King Lear, is desolate after total disenchantment by the selfish behaviour of his elder daughters, invoking the forces to reveal the treachery which must be met with justice, “…Tremble, thou wretch, That hast within thee undivulged crimes Unwhipped of justice…”. His parroting about freedom of speech is sacrosanct or a mere charade? In The Merchant of Venice, while negotiating for Bassanio’s loan with Shylock, Antonio observes that the former can try all trickery and that,“…The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. An evil soul producing holy witness Is like a villain with a smiling cheek, A goodly apple rotten at the heart. Oh, what a goodly outside falsehood hath…”

 

Ghālib: Well said mere dost (my friend) Shakku. All the world is indeed a stage, thanks to such laffujhannaas (stupid ones). Nevertheless, I am used to watching with interest such idiocies:

 

Banā kar faqīroñ kā ham bhes Ghālib

tamāshā-e-ahl-e-chughad dekhte haiñ

(faqīroñ: holy mendicants, bhes: disguise, tamāshā-e-ahl-e-chughad: games played by the foolish people of the world. Disguised, I watch these games of foolish people of the world)

 

Ham ko un se vafā kī hai ummīd

jo nahīñ jānte vafā kyā hai

(vafā: loyalty, fidelity, faithfulness, sincerity, keeping one's promise. I should not expect any friendship from someone who has no idea what faithfulness is.)

 

This marduud Toordau (outcast Trudeau) today stands isolated. India has asked Canada for evidence to support his blatant allegations but the fellow is a shoot and scoot artist, expect no answers.

 

Ghālib tumhīñ kaho ki milegā javāb kyā

maanā ki tum kahā kiye aur vo sunā kiye

 

Shakespeare: Well, Mirza Gilboy, know that this uncouth fellow is the first prime minister with a tattoo; one on his left shoulder is that of planet Earth surrounded by a Haida raven which is the most greedy, mischievous and lecherous creature imaginable. Befits the man, I would say. His deplorable penchant for stirring the pot with his sham advocacy for progressive social issues, walking a thin line accusing your great country without substantial evidence. I should tell this joker, like Thersites to Ajax in Troilus and Cressida, “…thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows...” as he is not a harmless clown, he is more insidious because of his lust for power as sketched in my sonnet 129, “lust Is perjured, murderous, bloody, full of blame, Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust…”

 

Ghālib: ShaKHs-e-Peer mere Habeeb (Old man my friend), let us ignore this incorrigible ninny and enjoy our drinks. 

 

Shar.a o aa.iin par madār sahī

aise qātil kā kyā kare koī

(shar.a o aa.iin: religious interpretation and rules/law, madār: orbit, dependence. Credence on rules and law of the land predominate under which a murderer is punished by death but what punishment would condign one for such a criminal?)

 

Shakespeare: (raising his glass) To the enduring drama of the world, my friend, where even halfwits like Trudeaus of this world are afforded a stage!

...